I wonder what happened to Lesya. I really miss that bitch.
We were ridiculously close.
I think I was closer to her than I've been to anyone else in my life...
maybe ever will be.
maybe i've been ruined for being close to people overall.


I just found her on myspace (myspace?!?! the lesya i knew wouldn't have a myspace- at least she didn't have anything written on her profile- that's more like her) and sent her a message.
i wonder if she'll respond.
i hope she'll respond.
i hope she calls me.
i miss being able to feel close to someone.
every best friend i've ever had has left- either moved away or we've just split
at the moment my oldest friends i have i met in the beginning of 10th grade. That's not even three years ago.
Why can't I remain close to anyone? Why can't I connect?
It's all my parents' fault. My mom pissed off my first best friend's mom and I wasn't allowed to see her again, and that started off the whole cycle.
Damn my parents.
I hope I keep the friends I've made in college. They are really special. I have moments where I wonder about that... but I think that's just my insecurities talking.

I'm slowly learning to be who I am.  ¶ 9:46 PM