just woke up from a nap
can't tell if i slept 40 minutes or 4 hrs
a little whoozy
wh- who- whoa- whoah  ¶ 6:45 PM 0 comments

  Everything feels less stressful in the morning, because, of course, you have all day to do it.
Even though I'm running on an hour or so of sleep, and I still have an entire article to write (that I think I'm going to have to write with inadequate sources), it's all right, because it's only noon and it's sunny and bright here.
That's one of the best parts about this area- it's already getting fucking cold at night, and sometimes we get rain at night/early morning, but we get these beautiful sunshine-filled days that should continue throughout the winter... no more seasonal affect disorder, yay!

I am (strangely, because it's probably cold and grey there now) feeling really nostalgic for my old school and my old friends. I've been thinking about it a lot, and I miss them a lot. I feel like it's kind of emotional/psychological growing pains- I stepped out of Simon's Rock, out of dormitory living with an unlimited meal plan, and away from th security of a close-knit group of prettygirls pretty fucking fast. Talking with my professor Reuben today (at least I'm still going to a school where everyone calls professors by their first name) I realized that Prescott lacks a good curriculum in critical theory, which was one of my favorite things about Simon's Rock.
Then again, it was also the worst thing- Rockers are all theory (and drugs) and no action.
But I hope it isn't a bad sign that three weeks into the semester (holy shit it's already been three weeks) I'm eagerly anticipating winter break, and spending a couple days at the Rock before heading home.  ¶ 11:59 AM 0 comments

  i feel like i failed at the first real test of my work ethic at this school- it's 1 am and i still haven't started the articles i was supposed to write by tonight.
i'll get something done by the morning, but it definitely won't be everything i need... hopefully it will be sufficient.
i ended up getting distracted by a spliff and then a bowl and then a soup-making project in my kitchen, which wasn't too bad-
it's gotten to that point again where i'm smoking too much weed to really be as functional as i like to be, but it's still enjoyable (if a bit destructive) so i don't want to really accept the fact that i need to stop
i always find it amazing how much i can justify to myself if i try

and i don't know whether it's the seasons, or the moon, or the people i'm around, or anything else, but i'm definitely still in a much more sexual state of mind than i've been for a while-
at dinner at rosie's last night, both adam and dan (the two people i've been with in prescott) were there- i found myself enjoying physically flirting with dan but trying to do it a way that wouldn't be obvious to adam, so if he ever changes his mind about the age difference problem it would still be an option... kind of awkward and two-faced of me... i think i'm at my worst when they're on the hunt for sex- or sometimes my best. i end up putting sex in front of a lot of important things like loyalty/friendship, but when i can feel the hormones coursing through my body i feel like i'm at my sexiest and i'm most responsive to the people around me, and most on socially-
normally interacting with most people requires a good amount of effort on my part.


i need to finish drinking my coca leaf tea and get back to work...  ¶ 1:00 AM 0 comments

  3 Ps:
philosophy, poetry, pharmacology
peace, politics, power,
progress, pot, [ph]eminism

the hardest part is retaining the hope in the face of all the concerns
(concerned about the destruction of the world)
but i'm hopeful because last night we cooked for 12 people, all connected as friends or relatives
and when scott and i finished our homework last night around 130 am at the same time our next door neighbor michael did we shared a goodnight joint
also i like to think of all the organic farmers around our country growing food that's sold and eaten within 50 miles of the place it grew
if i struggle i can be happy about the fact that we have the power to immensely improve the lives of billions of people through medical science and intelligent resource management... maybe someday we actually will, y'know?  ¶ 2:14 PM 0 comments

  fake it till you make it:
take ownership over your state of mind/place in life
(finally dialed in my room- all unpacked, arranged, completed)
the sea refuses no river, we're in motion to the ocean

i'm learning how to make a decision and stick to it. i'm learning to live in a way that i'm not ashamed of.
to LIVE is hard.

(reading tropic of cancer//henry miller)  ¶ 3:34 PM 0 comments

  feeling listless and antisocial in a way that means i need to stop smoking weed for a little bit and get more sleep.
i also need to get some good productive work done, but i don't want that to stop me from going rock climbing tomorrow, which would also be a spectacular way to improve my mood.

so i got back from the three week wilderness orientation that every new student goes through at prescott college feeling thoroughly excited to start life in prescott, thoroughly happy with myself, my looks, and my life, and pretty much thoroughly horny as fuck. so i started eying the goods around here. hooked up with this beautiful skinny blonde boy who used to live in my room (before i lived here), in a manner that made it clear to my housemates and sister-housemates what was going on. then three days later, in a manner that made it clear to my sister-housemates and housemates what was going on, hooked up with a man who happens to be my sister-housemate. his name is adam, and he is 28, and he didn't know that i was 17 before all that happened.
it also happened to be the most romantic, the best, and the most satisfying one-night-stand sex i've ever had. and now he knows that i am 17 (which im really glad of because i was feeling really guilty about not telling him) and that can't happen any more.
so... oh well.  ¶ 7:05 PM 0 comments

  smoked a bowl and spent the last four hours cleaning and cooking in my house
it was fun being domestic, i wore a bandana around my head and everything
hmmm
i think i'm gonna quit smoking weed some point soon....
i don't know how serious i am when i say that  ¶ 8:28 PM 0 comments

  spent the past two days on granite mtn, this amazingly magical place close to where i live
ate some L and climbed up it, watched the sun set campfire, starwatching, then breakfast up on the rocks near the peak and chilling and bouldering up to the peak
with my housemate jimmy-
[who is questionable]
[in a good way]
enjoying the community of prescott:
-running into friends of friends at the safeway dumpster
-tons of rockclimbers, and tons of great spots
-extended family united by rosie and asha
-nice people working in town to talk to while you do errands  ¶ 4:46 PM 0 comments