i feel like i failed at the first real test of my work ethic at this school- it's 1 am and i still haven't started the articles i was supposed to write by tonight.
i'll get something done by the morning, but it definitely won't be everything i need... hopefully it will be sufficient.
i ended up getting distracted by a spliff and then a bowl and then a soup-making project in my kitchen, which wasn't too bad-
it's gotten to that point again where i'm smoking too much weed to really be as functional as i like to be, but it's still enjoyable (if a bit destructive) so i don't want to really accept the fact that i need to stop
i always find it amazing how much i can justify to myself if i try

and i don't know whether it's the seasons, or the moon, or the people i'm around, or anything else, but i'm definitely still in a much more sexual state of mind than i've been for a while-
at dinner at rosie's last night, both adam and dan (the two people i've been with in prescott) were there- i found myself enjoying physically flirting with dan but trying to do it a way that wouldn't be obvious to adam, so if he ever changes his mind about the age difference problem it would still be an option... kind of awkward and two-faced of me... i think i'm at my worst when they're on the hunt for sex- or sometimes my best. i end up putting sex in front of a lot of important things like loyalty/friendship, but when i can feel the hormones coursing through my body i feel like i'm at my sexiest and i'm most responsive to the people around me, and most on socially-
normally interacting with most people requires a good amount of effort on my part.


i need to finish drinking my coca leaf tea and get back to work...  ¶ 1:00 AM