Friday, March 24, 2006
I've been up for forty three and a half hours.
This is the longest I've ever gone.
I just was lying down listening to music for a breather for like 10 minutes and when I stood up, everything swirled and vibrated and my head felt all swimmy.
It was pretty cool, actually, but not conducive towards writing a paper.
I spaced out my doses of adderall today so I was able to eat dinner when we made it around 11:00. We made alfredo pasta with broccoli and shrimp. Oh, my, god, it was so good. I didn't actually do most of the cooking; I was feeling pretty cracked out.
Then I took another 30 mg XR cap and then we came back to campus, and we walked out to a fire in the woods. Today was the first day we've all been comfortable outside, except for a few freak occurances. Spring is coming. I was able to walk out into the woods in sneakers and jeans, tee, zipup, and jacket: instead of winter boots, two pairs of pants, three layers of shirts, and a jacket. Sitting around the fire for an hour and a half or so I was comfortable without my jacket on. It was sweet.
The fire chilled me out and calmed my head, like I expected it to, but it was kind of disgusting in a way. Everyone besides me and Carolyn was drunk as fuck. Tahlia, Montana, and Cait, the other three girls there, were all horny and constantly flirting and making innuendos and doing things like grabbing each other's breasts. Cait was particularly disgusting; she managed to hit on every male in the fire circle, like she was doing rounds. I know that it's really easy for me to get like that when I'm drunk, I just don't like watching it sober. I'm also not as bad with flirting on this campus because I don't feel sexy enough to flirt in this school. Part of it is my mentality has changed, part of it is because all my closest friends are fucking hot, and part of it is because since the straight fuckable males are such a drastic minority, they can afford to have really high standards... so I'm basically just afraid of rejection. Everyone was just being stupid. Taylor kept disappearing twenty feet to our left to smoke bowls to his face and chug on his handle of Bacardi which he kept insisting he wasn't going to share (even though he hadn't even paid for it yet, it technically belonged to Luke who was pro-sharing)- people spent a while trying to wrestle it away from him. Dave was just being quiet and annoying by poking at the fire with skinny sticks and throwing random shit into it- I hate when people do that. That's Dave for you though. The best parts of the fire were when Tim and Will were playing catch-the-coal and basically playing hackysack with a live coal from the fire- it got caught in the pocket of Tim's hoodie for a while and left a big hole- it was really funny, and when Tim, Will, and Taylor got a bucket-circle going for a bit and us girls danced (there's seating around half the fire pit made out of boards and buckets, which they took to drum on). Most of the time I sat and meditated into the fire and warmed my hands. Tim was nice to me, which was a pleasant surprise, because he hasn't been- but he did flirt with both Tahlia and Montana a little bit (though that's just how he is)- however, he did repel Cait's obvious drunken attempt to end up in bed with him after the fire.
Yeah so I felt like I wanted to detail my experience at the fire, probably because it's something with lots of details to focus on and I'm speeding. It was also a fire that stood out from my experiences at every other fire we've had. Well I guess they're all disctinctly different but this was just on my mind. ¶ 12:32 AM
This is the longest I've ever gone.
I just was lying down listening to music for a breather for like 10 minutes and when I stood up, everything swirled and vibrated and my head felt all swimmy.
It was pretty cool, actually, but not conducive towards writing a paper.
I spaced out my doses of adderall today so I was able to eat dinner when we made it around 11:00. We made alfredo pasta with broccoli and shrimp. Oh, my, god, it was so good. I didn't actually do most of the cooking; I was feeling pretty cracked out.
Then I took another 30 mg XR cap and then we came back to campus, and we walked out to a fire in the woods. Today was the first day we've all been comfortable outside, except for a few freak occurances. Spring is coming. I was able to walk out into the woods in sneakers and jeans, tee, zipup, and jacket: instead of winter boots, two pairs of pants, three layers of shirts, and a jacket. Sitting around the fire for an hour and a half or so I was comfortable without my jacket on. It was sweet.
The fire chilled me out and calmed my head, like I expected it to, but it was kind of disgusting in a way. Everyone besides me and Carolyn was drunk as fuck. Tahlia, Montana, and Cait, the other three girls there, were all horny and constantly flirting and making innuendos and doing things like grabbing each other's breasts. Cait was particularly disgusting; she managed to hit on every male in the fire circle, like she was doing rounds. I know that it's really easy for me to get like that when I'm drunk, I just don't like watching it sober. I'm also not as bad with flirting on this campus because I don't feel sexy enough to flirt in this school. Part of it is my mentality has changed, part of it is because all my closest friends are fucking hot, and part of it is because since the straight fuckable males are such a drastic minority, they can afford to have really high standards... so I'm basically just afraid of rejection. Everyone was just being stupid. Taylor kept disappearing twenty feet to our left to smoke bowls to his face and chug on his handle of Bacardi which he kept insisting he wasn't going to share (even though he hadn't even paid for it yet, it technically belonged to Luke who was pro-sharing)- people spent a while trying to wrestle it away from him. Dave was just being quiet and annoying by poking at the fire with skinny sticks and throwing random shit into it- I hate when people do that. That's Dave for you though. The best parts of the fire were when Tim and Will were playing catch-the-coal and basically playing hackysack with a live coal from the fire- it got caught in the pocket of Tim's hoodie for a while and left a big hole- it was really funny, and when Tim, Will, and Taylor got a bucket-circle going for a bit and us girls danced (there's seating around half the fire pit made out of boards and buckets, which they took to drum on). Most of the time I sat and meditated into the fire and warmed my hands. Tim was nice to me, which was a pleasant surprise, because he hasn't been- but he did flirt with both Tahlia and Montana a little bit (though that's just how he is)- however, he did repel Cait's obvious drunken attempt to end up in bed with him after the fire.
Yeah so I felt like I wanted to detail my experience at the fire, probably because it's something with lots of details to focus on and I'm speeding. It was also a fire that stood out from my experiences at every other fire we've had. Well I guess they're all disctinctly different but this was just on my mind. ¶ 12:32 AM
